Finding Camelot
I've been divorced since 2009. I took the divorce very hard and I
didn't understand how I could give everything of myself to my marriage and
family and still have no support. I stopped believing in everything because if
you do your best and that's still not good enough, it means that no one shares
the same beliefs anymore.
One night I had a dream where I was climbing a mountain and as I
climbed the mountain I thought about events from my life that made an impact on
me along the way. I wasn't alone in the dream. There was a woman who was like a
guide as we climbed. When we made it to the top there was a golden cup resting
on a stone and it was empty. She explained that as I climbed up the mountain,
the higher I climbed the more the cup emptied. She also explained that the cup
will refill itself on the way back down but the cup had to stay there. Somehow
climbing the mountain allowed me to pour out the old to make room for the new.
Before we embarked on the climb my guide said something to me, she
said, "The sword in the stone cannot be removed alone." I barely
remembered what those words she spoke were but she led me to a plateau on the
mountain and I couldn't believe my eyes. I saw a gleaming sword sticking out of
a stone. She told me that the sword was my own Excalibur. Then she repeated her
words, "The sword in the stone cannot be removed alone." I walked up
to the sword and tried to remove it but it wouldn't budge. I asked her to help
me and that it takes two people to remove the sword but she turned her gaze
downward and refused to help me get my sword. This made me very angry. Why
would she lead me to something I can't have? I didn't understand. She told me
that I was no different from Arthur and that If I was able to remove the sword
it would only be to wave it in the face of my enemies and vanquish them. The
sword represents revenge to me rather than a way to establish justice. The
stone is my heart and if I remove the sword I will bleed to death. She told me
that I was only meant to see it and know that it exists. The reason Arthur was
able to pull the sword was because unlike any other that went before him he saw
every hand that believed in Camelot joined to his and pulled the sword for a
shared hope and vision of Camelot.
My guide at
this point made it very clear that I would have to go the rest of the way alone
to the very top. When I climbed the rest of the way, I stood there and I looked
across the span and saw people also standing on their own mountains. It was
perfectly silent. All we did was look at each other. I'm certain that moment
was different for each of us. There was a kinship. It was humbling.
I turned and
started my way back down the mountain passing the sword and cup and seeing
myself as having fulfilled a quest to find Camelot only to find a belief instead.
And maybe that belief is only shared by those who complete the quest. I woke
from that dream unable to recall any more that what I've shared here.
I wrote a
poem to commemorate it...
Dear King Arthur now I know
Your wisdom fails not to bestow
Those who went before your
story
Were only seeking selfish
glory
The secret door to Camelot
Is found in simple
counterplot
The sword held tight
inside the stone
Will never be removed alone
We all have our own personal quests and our own mountains to climb. I
don't even know if anyone wants to find Camelot anymore. I only know that what
I found was the courage of my convictions again and that I have a purpose and
vision and values that are worthy.
As a hopeless romantic, one of my favorite stories is that of the
Lady of Shallot. This story is one of many in the tales of King Arthur. It is a
romantic tale of a mysterious Lady imprisoned on the Island of Shallot. She is
cursed to never look upon Camelot for if she does, she will die. She has a
magic mirror with which to see the world. She embroiders a tapestry of
everything she sees in the mirror. One day she sees Lancelot in the mirror, and
turns to look at him directly and falls in love with him and the mirror cracks. She then gets into a boat and drifts away
from the island towards Camelot but before she reaches Camelot, she dies.
When she arrives in Camelot, she's laying on her
tapestry. When Lancelot sees her he says a prayer on her behalf.
The nature of love idealized becomes romance. Those ideals produce
courage and glorious motives that will never die.
So, where is Camelot? Well, I don't know really, but maybe it's
enough that the best of Camelot lives within each one of us.
Live forever my Lady of Shallot...Long live Camelot.
GB
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